Saturday, 16 July 2016

The power of Letting Go

For the past couple of years, I've been trying to let go of some unwanted memories which made me hard to move on. Last year itself, there were so many songs that, I think, were specially meant for me. From the Disney movie "Frozen" with the song Let It Go...the song Let Her Go by Passenger. My intuition whispered to me that I should let go of the things that were not meant for me.
It's true. I couldn't let 'it' go that easily though. The ride is fun sometimes, but most of the times its a waste of time. I'm talking about relationships and stuffs..
For many times, I thought I've let it go. But it came back and I just couldn't resist. I just prayed hard and surrendered everything to God. I knew that God has different ways of answering prayers. I may not understand it, but God is my only hope.

Gratitude is a Great Attitude

Today, I would like to express gratitude for everything that I've got and been through. I just feel like I  need to do that. Just saying it out loud in my mind, make me feel refresh and anew.

Despite of my hurtful experiences being in a bad relationship, I am so grateful today for having someone who really appreciates me.

Despite of not having kids on my own, I am grateful for having the chance to feel how to carry a mother's responsibility.

Despite of being the main supporter for my new life, I've got someone I can rely on helping me doing the house chores.

Despite of not having an entirely big house that I've dream of, I'm blessed for having a small home to share my life with someone I love.

Despite of the fact that I can no longer receive the holy communion for now, God is always presence in my thoughts every second of my life. I get the assurance that He is with me, and telling me to be strong.

A thankful heart is a happy heart.

Wednesday, 15 June 2016

The perfect marriage

When I was a little girl, all my thinking was purely a fairytale; thanks to Disney's cartoon. Everything was beautiful and perfect; especially when it comes to finding the right prince. Tall, dark and handsome. And I would want to be like the beautiful princess. And they are just perfect for each other.
As I grew up, I encountered several couples and witnessed their sacred matrimonial marriage. It was a perfect wedding.
All I wanted when I was planning my marriage life, was to have a happy family of my own. I was getting ready for everything, and sacrificed a lot.
Never would I've thought that being in a marriage life would be so complicated. There is no perfect marriage. It was meant to be that way so that every couples could learn how to walk together in life. Through difficulties and insanities, both should always prepare themselves to accept and let go of everything that comes between their marriage life.
Maybe by doing that..just maybe, people will have a chance to have a perfect marriage.

Thursday, 21 April 2016

A prayer for Trust in the Lord

Everyday is a challenge for me to go through life and most importantly TRUST the Lord. I'm trying my best but sometimes it's hard to say whether this is the right thing to do. Here, are some prayers that I'd search on the net.

Tuesday, 15 March 2016

This little thing called FAITH

As long as I can remember, I've always depend on God and try my best to have faith in whatever things that I come across with. It's not easy to have faith when all you do is pray and wait, and most of the times, it takes time for something to finally happened.
May the Lord bless my journey on earth.

Meanwhile, I stumbled upon some difficulties in life almost regularly. As per yesterday, it came back; the difficulties. Mixed feelings and my disability to escape from all those troubles makes me anxious and gloomy. I felt weak and my tears ran like running water. All sorts of thoughts filled my brain, as if giving me the choice to pursue all the negative things to satisfy my pity self.

I analyzed every detail of the problems. I tried my best to avoid the negative thoughts which include wounding my wrist with a knife. That's crazy, I know. People do that sometimes. I wanted to drink  and smoke to forget the problems. Drive my car as fast as I could. But, through all that, I remembered God the most. He wouldn't want me to do such things. 

I rejected the cigarettes which was offered to me. I went pass through the restaurant that sold alcoholic drinks. Because I remembered that God is always there. I say the prayer of Hail Mary many times and I think God spoke to me through the prayers, to not do the things that is unreasonable.

This little thing called Faith, allows me to choose the good side of everything. It provides me a reason that there is something for me to believe in, and that is to believe that God has a better plan.

Saturday, 20 June 2015

Count Your Blessings

Sometimes I forgot to remind myself how lucky I am among hundred billions of people on this planet. The fact that every one of us has our own problems in daily lives, there must be something that we should be grateful for. Things that some of the unfortunate people in this world don't have what we have can really measure up our gratefulness towards life.

I should be grateful for having my job right now. Sometimes, teaching career could be the less thing I want to do, because it includes a lot of work. Not that I don't love to teach but actually it's the only job that I really wanted to do. Nowadays, being a teacher means 30% in the classroom, and 70% doing secretarial services. I didn't signed up for teaching career to neglect my class and do other things that I'm not interested in. Well, thinking on the positive side, I can acquire a lot of other meaningful knowledge and experiences to be a better person. That's what I've learned, to appreciate what life offers me. 

So, I started to think positive on every side of the things I don't like. I was so devastated when my marriage didn't work out before. Every day, I woke up and get ready for work, trying my best to make through the day. I cried almost every week. Sometimes, I didn't have any tears left. 

But when I realised on TV and other people's more tragic stories, I felt my problem is too tiny compare to those people who suffered war, beheaded by some jihadist, and those children starving to death. While some of us are having fun and didn't even finish the meal, their life is like a time-bomb. Every minutes, every seconds, could be last time being together with their loved ones. 

So, cherish the life we had and always be grateful!

The Tremors in Mount Kinabalu

June 5th, 2015. It's the historical day for all Malaysian, especially Sabahan, where tragic incident that never before happened, occurred in the very heart of the majestic Mount Kinabalu. This is the day that will be remembered for a long time, as our pride of Aki's stature has forever deformed due to the tremor that shook her.

It was early in the morning, at 7.17am when the tremor happened. I was in bed, still asleep at that time. But the bed shook so strong that made me wide awake. It happened for at least 5 seconds and I was still in a trance for a minute, before went downstairs searching for my family.

They too, felt the tremor. All of us were looking out of the window to see if there's any strange phenomenon going on. There's not many people around. Only a few kids running here and there. And of course we checked on our hand phones to see any updated information about the recent tremor. As suspected, the tremor did occur some parts of Sabah ; mostly in Ranau, Kota Belud, Tambunan, Kota Kinabalu, Tuaran, etc.

When I noticed that it occurred mostly in Ranau, I thought of my sister who was on a trip of climbing the mountain on that day. Out of a sudden, she called my mum from the top of the mountain. She said that the tremor was still happening now and then, and the rocks were falling down. She even witnessed how the Donkey's Ears (part of the mountain) broke and fell down in boulders. There were 100 over climbers and mountain guides on the mountain during that time. The were all terrified of the tremor and just waiting for rescue.

Apart from feeling traumatic by a small tremor that had shocked me that morning, I thought of how terrible they must have felt up there. My families, especially my mum, were not able to feed ourselves properly because of thinking too much of my sister's condition. She called up my mum from time to time to update us all about their situation. When she told us that rescue was on the way, I was hoping for the best. But that didn't settle us to be calm. Not yet. The rescue team have to bring them down safely to the ground for us to be relieved.

The news about the tremor were all over the media. Some media even asked me for my sister's contact number for them to put up on the news. Apparently, my sister's cellphone was the only one with the strong signal among them. That's why she managed to update all that's happening there on her facebook. Her pictures were all over the media.

Some of my colleague friends even ask for  my sister's help to seek for a friend's son, to see if he's okay. I did send the message to her but I guess she overlooked it as many other people were using her cellphone to contact their families; plus the frequent tremor.

It must be hard for them. To witness the falling boulders during the tremor, while rooted to a safe spot, hoping to survive. Their last meal was on earlier that day, before climbing up the mountain at 3 a.m. I'd never climbed Mount Kinabalu before, but because of this tremor, I did a little research from my families and friends. That's why I knew that they had their breakfast at 2.00 am. I was hoping that all the climbers, especially my sister made it out safely to the ground with all their energy they might have during that time.

When she said that the helicopter that supposed to come and get them, didn't turn up, we were restless and angry at the same time. My cousin's husband called me up and said that his friend, which is one of the pilot, told him that the helicopter could not manage to retrieve them due to the weather and it's almost sunset. They were to stay there, and rescue will only proceed tomorrow morning.

And I was like, ok. So, they (the rescue team) must have known how cold it is up there, for them to make a decision like that. But wait, how could they just leave them up there! Are they just going to wait at the Timpohon Gate and guard the mountain? And when the mountain shook simultaneously, what would they do? Waiting for their Superior to give orders? Have to follow procedures?

I'm not asking for the SAR team to willingly risk their life to save the climbers but from the look of it, they didn't do MORE than they should. People were dying up there, for Christ sake.

Luckily for the climbers, the Mountain Guides (Malim Gunung) were the ones who made the decision to climb down. They have made many precautions while ascending the summit by making new trails and checking for loose rocks and boulders for the climbers to step on it. The MG constantly egged the climbers on despite of the tiredness, as the mountain keep shaking all the time. Along the way down, they witnessed several dead bodies that could not make it alive, earlier that morning when the first tremor struck.

All of the stranded climbers, including my sister, had tried their best to weather the storm and finally reached the summit at Timpohon Gate around midnight. Thank God for their safe arrival.

This majestic view is taken by the roadside of Kota Belud, via the route to Kudat.